Blind Conversation
by wudnulike2know
Summary: Lily and James each had their own problem and no one to talk to about it. On a cold December morning, one blind conversation may change everything.


Disclaimer: Nobody in this piece of writing belongs to me; they are all the rightful property of J.K. Rowling

Blind Conversation

A/n: Okay I don't have much to say, hope you like it!

It was a cold December morning; the roads were covered in a thin layer of snow, making the surroundings an almost silver colour, breath became mist the minute it collided with the winter air. The noses and cheeks that dared to be exposed were nipped and pricked by the weather until they pinked to its command.

Two seventeen year olds sat on a bench, back to back. They seemed oblivious to the fact that most deemed the morning too cold to step outside, resulting in the fact that the two sat alone in complete silence. The shadowy sky became tainted with an orange-pink sheen, emblazoned with random dashes of indigo, giving it the appearance of an evolving canvas.

They both sat contemplating their own stories and aspects of life. The ups and the downs, yet no matter how hard they tried to focus on the ups, things always came spiralling back to the downs. Funny how the mind does that, isn't it? Or maybe our lives have a disproportionate amount of downs. It's said that with every two downs comes one up.

Both had their own stories to tell, their own share of rejection and both unknowing of the other's experiences.

_The night before- Evans Residence_

'_Why did you do that?' Petunia yelled_

'_I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, I lost control. I promise I'll get you a new one'_

'_Like I'd let you get me an item of clothing, it might be cursed, as if!' Petunia screamed._

'_What's that mean?' Lily asked, as if stung_

'_You know what I mean; you're a witch through and through. You don't belong in here. You belong in your own abnormal world. Why can't you just get the hell out of our lives?'_

'_Why can't you take a minute to listen to me? You don't even know me!' Lily cried_

'_I don't need to know you! I know you enough! You're a freak that's all there is to it' Petunia said contemptuously. Tears rolled down Lily's face. Drop by drop like the droplets dripping off of leaves. Slowly but clearly. 'You're my sister' she whispered. Petunia smirked at her tears and then snorted._

'_Hardly' she spat and shoved Lily out of the door_

_  
Earlier that morning-Potter residence_

_**Flashback **_

'_Bet you've never made a girl faint at the sight of you before' I say to Sirius in the common room 'No but one went all shell-shocked on me' Sirius said pompously_

'_But have you made one faint?' I repeat_

'_And you have?' he challenged _

'_After Charms' I say proudly_

'_How?' Sirius asked amusedly_

'_She dropped a book, I picked it up, smiled at her and wham she's down and out' I say gesturing wildly. Sirius patted me on the back 'nice' he commented._

'_Ugh!' comes a voice, followed by some footsteps. I turned by head, shit. Evans. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. 'Miss Evans, don't we look ravishing tonight?' I call; oh I've done it now. She'll kill me, why, why can't I keep my big mouth shut? Just for once, I'd like to experience a time when all she does is walk past and all I do is give a small smile, and then she'd know._

'_You're infuriating' she screams_

'_And you're intoxicating but can we do about that?' I've done it again. She screams again in a frustrated manner. 'What is wrong with you? Can you not talk like a normal human being for one sentence? Just one sentence without some sort of pricky implication!' Aha! She's left an open door right there, here's my chance to shine. _

'_Well I-' I start_

'_Can't a girl get respect from you?'_

'_Well of course-'_

'_Only you could make a girl faint and be proud of it!'_

'_I-' I try _

'_Don't suppose you thought to help her up?'_

'_Well-'_

'_I've had enough, I can't have this conversation for another second' she storms off. Conversation? For that to happen, two people need to speak. _

_**End Flashback**_

'Ever felt like someone's known you for so long, yet don't know you at all?' James asked, out of the blue.

'Yeah, like you want to stand up and shout, "Wake up!" ' Lily said

'Exactly and you want to say "that's not me, _this_ is me can't you see that?" '

'Right!'

'Have you ever reached a state when you can't feel anything, you're just blank. You don't know what to feel let alone what to say' Lily said absentmindedly, James nodded 'more times than I can count' he commented dryly

'Wow'. They fell back into thought. Just thinking about their theories on the matter.

'Ever loved someone who just can't accept you?' Lily asked miserably, James laughed mirthlessly. All this was happening while neither looked to see who it was they were talking to and both were too wrapped up to put a name to the voice.

'More than you could ever know' James said bitterly. Lily looked around; her feet lay in the snow, breaking the barrier between it and the road. She spoke up 'ever tried to make yourself hate someone you were born to love?' she asked. James thought for a millisecond before answering.

'Yeah it's like being crushed…' he started

'-with your own two hands' Lily filled in

'Yeah, yeah. Then a part of you springs back up even-' James said but he got cut off again.

'Even though it takes all your strength to do it' Lily finished.

'Right' James added.

Lily hesitated a little before asking the next question, unsure of whether it was okay to ask. 'So who is it with you?' she whispered.

'A girl' he answered then his tone changed to one of curiosity 'and you?' Lily sighed and resignedly said 'my sister'. James raised his eyebrows, though Lily couldn't see it. 'Wow! I get the whole born to love thing'

'Yeah'

'Have you ever felt like you didn't belong in the last place you thought you'd feel like that?' Lily asked. James shrugged his shoulder 'a couple of times, I suppose' he muttered

'All the time' Lily countered

'Rough' James said.

'I guess'

'Do you really think you were _born_ to _love_ this girl?' Lily asked.

'Maybe it might sound stupid and sentimental and weak. But when I look at her…. when she laughs or shouts or walks or _breathes_, I just _know_ that I _have _to love her. I didn't choose to, if I'd had a choice she wouldn't have been my first but when I saw her it was like I… submitted myself to her' James finished in a hoarse whisper. Lily was silent.

'That's…beautiful, I hope this girl knows how lucky she is' she said but James laughed at this. 'If she did we wouldn't be here now would we?'

'You're right'

'Do you think I'm an idiot for feeling like that?'

'No, you're not. I think if someone loved me that much then I'd…well I'd be a lot happier than I am now' Lily finished weakly.

'But what would you _do_?' James persisted. Lily was stumped 'I-I…I don't know. Do you think maybe that's the problem? That this girl doesn't know what to do? I know I wouldn't. When someone loves you like that, I suppose it'd be overwhelming' Lily said thoughtfully.

'What if you didn't know that the guy felt like that?' James asked in a tone so lost that Lily's heart ached for him.

'You mean you haven't told her?' Lily asked

'No. I mean, no I haven't told her'

'Oh. Well if I didn't know then I guess I'd treat him like any normal person, why, isn't that what she does?' Lily asked in a puzzled way but James laughed bitterly 'I wish. She treats me more like the scum at the bottom of her shoe'

'Oh. Think a lot of herself then, does she?' Lily asked, James thought about it for a second.

'If I wanted to make myself feel better then I'd say yes. If I wanted to tell the truth then I'd have to say no. She doesn't treat me like the scum at the bottom of her shoe; I guess you could say she kind of disapproves of almost everything I do. I always try to show her I'm not as bad as she thinks but it always backfires somehow' James said

'I think if you stop trying to show her directly, then it'd be easier. Let her see through things you do for others. Like an onlooker as opposed to the recipient. I'd imagine it doesn't work because you get nervous' Lily said sensibly.

'You're right, it might work then' they sat in silence again.

'My sister treats _me_ like the scum at the bottom of her shoe' Lily said sullenly

'But why' James asked

'I don't know. We were alright, then a couple of years ago something happened, changed my whole world and my sister never quite accepted it. Problem is that until she accepts that then really she can't accept me. It's complicated, I can't really tell you' Lily finished apologetically

'No, I think I get it. I have this thing I can't tell you about, I suppose it's a little like that' James said.

'I just don't understand how my own sister can't understand who I am and one of the key things in my life' Lily said

'I suppose it is a little odd but then I guess all siblings fight' James said

'Not like she does'

'You know what I think? I think if she can't treat you like a sister then you need to stop caring about what she thinks so much, she obviously doesn't care about how you feel' James suggested

'I suppose you're right'

'I guess we're sort of in the same boat. We both love people who don't give toss about us' James said and he laughed mirthlessly 'I think if you really _talked _to her, like you're talking to me then you'd be…well more successful' Lily said quietly

'I don't know what it is about her, whenever I try to say something normal I always end up hitting on her' Lily laughed at this 'maybe you should write a letter then'

'A letter! Of course, see now that would've been the sensible thing to do' they fell quiet again.

'What's she like?' Lily asked trying to draw away from her own problem as much as she could.

James sighed before beginning 'Beautiful. I've never met anyone like her. She has these eyes; they're the most remarkable colour. When I look into them I just get so lost, it's like I have no control over myself. They're so…so captivating and yet that word doesn't seem enough. Her walk makes me stare after her even when she's out of sight, the way her hips sway. She always flicks her hair when she's angry, she looks so cute. It's worth it to make her angry at me just to see her do it but then her temper…never seen anything like it, how her eyes flash and her cheeks start to redden and she starts to breath heavily, she looks beautiful even when she's about to scream at me. But when she's happy… Her smile…her smile can speak a thousand words. Just seeing it makes _me_ happy for the rest of the day. And her laugh, it's so pretty that anyone who hears her starts smiling as well' James said abstractly, Lily sighed.

'I only wish somebody would say things like that about me, but there's no one who thinks me _that _special' Lily whispered wistfully

'If it makes you feel any better, no one thinks me that special either' James reassured. Lily shivered and folded arms in an attempt to warm herself. Her breath became visible and drifted off into the air.

'I guess some have to wish and wait and others have it right before them and never even realize it' she said to no one in particular

'What I would give to make her realise' James said to himself.

'Do you know what I think? I think maybe this girl might actually like you. If you're always chasing her around, then you won't be giving her any space or time to work it out'

'Really' James asked hopefully

'Yeah' Lily answered.

'And if she doesn't?'

'Then we go back to you leaving her alone and letting her see how wonderful you really are' Lily concluded

'Wonderful?'

'Well, you _sound _like a wonderful person'

'Thanks. It's reassuring you know, to hear it from someone who isn't your mother' James said, Lily laughed freely and James was suddenly struck by it. 'You have a nice laugh' he commented

'Why thank you. I can't believe this girl can ignore you, you're sweet and funny' James immediately lost his train of thought and his thoughts immediately wandered back to Lily Evans.

'Do you live around here?' Lily asked

'Yeah, orchard close and you?' James answered

'Woodell lane' Lily said

'Oh wow, never knew someone my age actually lived round here' James commented

'Me neither'

They sat a little longer, in complete silence. Sometimes the soft whispers of their breath could be heard but nothing else. Then James spoke up 'do you know? No one's ever understood my problem like you have. I mean I have this one friend and he listens and tries to help and everything. I appreciate it but it's different to have a girl's perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for listening, not many people would put up with my whining' James said gratefully

'No problem. You weren't whining, I think you just really needed help, by what you told me it _sounded_ like you needed help too' James laughed at her reply and Lily laughed with him.

Something clicked in James' mind and he realised something 'do you know, the whole time we've talked, back to back, we haven't once turned to see the other's face?'

'Hm, I do believe you're right. On three?'

'Absolutely' was James' sure answer, they counted to three and turned to look at their confidantes.

'You' they chorused. Lily and James stared at each other for a little longer. Lily's first thought told her to shout at him and accuse him of knowing who she was all along and then she remembered. She remembered how he'd laid out his thoughts before her. How he'd told her all the beautiful things he felt for her. James had told her that he felt like he was born to love her. _Her, _Lily Evans. And she thought nobody would ever feel like that for her, plain old her. But somebody did, he did.

And, in turn he'd listened to her and helped her understand the significance of her sister. He'd understood her problem when nobody else did. He didn't brush it off or say what everybody else did: 'don't worry it'll be okay' or 'don't worry it'll all blow over' She was so tired of hearing that. But, James hadn't said that. James had finally voiced the answer she'd waited for, ever since this started.

Lily opened her mouth to speak 'James, I-' and for the first time James cut Lily off. 'No stop. I'll apologise now. I'm sorry but I honestly did not know it was you and I have never known that you lived anywhere in the vicinity. Though if I had to be completely honest, I'd tell you that I'm not entirely sorry. I'm not sorry that you learnt about who I really am. I am sorry that you found out how I felt, I never meant for you to find out, not for a long time anyway, for that you can hate me' he said quietly and got up to leave.

'James, wait-' Lily started again but the boy surprisingly shook his head 'no, not now Lily. I don't want to hear anything not even _your _voice. You know? I never I'd hear myself say that' James said and he walked away and for the first time Lily understood how it felt to see the retreating figure, with you left behind.

She folded her arms and thought back to where she started and found that once again her negative thoughts and bad experiences were in disproportion to the positive ones and this instance was just another in a long, long list.

A/n: so what did you think? First time I've tried writing a one shot, hope it turned out okay. I'd really appreciate it, if you reviewed.


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